I'm in a dilemma oppo...(girls)

"RotaryLover" (rotarylover)
05/31/2014 at 01:56 • Filed to: Dating

Remember Wednesday when I told you that my crush, from when I was 19 yrs old, showed up? Well...the passion got back. She flirted me hard...but I was so shy that I could not keep the conversation flowing and neither could her. Since that night I realised that despite having LOTS of genuine fun with the model, I'm not really passionate about her, I have no lust. She's almost (at a small percentage) feel like the sister I always wanted. I'm still learning about her though. But now a third beautiful girl added herself to the list! I met her at my birthday and she was fun to talk to. I'm apparently, the only guy that took a picture with her, which caused the father to try to add me on FB out of nowhere. The friend that introduced us told me this : "Dude, you're handsome, you got the car, you got the job, you're interesting and know what to talk about...why the hell don't you have a gf!???? You know what? She and her friend will celebrate their graduation in a Karaoke party in 2 weeks. You have your chances come." Now I just received the invite from one of the girls. So there. I have a 4th one, but she lives in Ontario, so she's barred. I take my time...but the choice is getting harder. I either:

1. Get the crush, and expect a night where I don't say much out of shyness...

2. Keep dating the Model and expect that I'll have some lust, because currently I don't but we still have amazing chemistry.

3. Try with the other girl to see how it goes.

Give me wise advice oppo.

DISCUSSION (48)

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 02:09

My advice? flip coins, pull numbers from a hat, use a random number generator, or something random. You're young. I'm young. Do stupid shit. There isn't a right or wrong answer here. Keep your head about you once you pick a path and it'll always work out. My one golden rule has been "Keep your clothes on for the first date, and probably the second" its served me well. Kept me out of some bad situations.......One "situation" was a girl who had a few nights of unprotected sex with her ex and was desperate to hook up with someone and have an "accident" pregnancy with a guy who wasn't a sleezeball. I found all that out a few days after I spent most of a party dancing and drinking with her. So yeah, tht's much better advice than saying 1, 2, or 3.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 02:13

I don't have any advice, but I only question how this scenario happens?? Do the girls just walk up to you? DO they just get magnetically pulled to you or something?

I don't even...

Anyway, good luck, hope someone here can help.

RotaryLover > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
05/31/2014 at 02:20

Well...I'm quite social when I'm in my element. Karaoke definitely helps when you got the voice, so that's a big plus and this is why I've known so much girls. The crush on the other hand, is another story.

RotaryLover > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
05/31/2014 at 02:27

This is my rule too. I don't wanna have a girl that drop her pants off on the first nights. If she does this there...imagine later. They all qualified lol.

shpuker > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 02:57

If there's anything I can bestow upon you from similar situations its this:

1) Never stay in a relationship with the intent of creating something more than what it is. You never will.

2) I don't suggest trying to go for a girl that you've known for years and not dated. If it didn't happen before then typically theres a reason, even if that reason is sisterly love.

3) Don't think about it so much. Seriously.

What I would do: End things with the model, I understand the reasons for hesitation, but if you want something lasting bail. Go and have fun with the new girl, see if it becomes anything.

Best case scenario you have a lasting relationship.

Worst case scenario you wind up single with none of the three options left.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 03:05

I see. Fair enough. I guess I need to be more social then.

Manuél Ferrari > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 03:25

Date them both and marry the one you get pregnant.

RotaryLover > Manuél Ferrari
05/31/2014 at 05:39

I like the way you think!

Crocket Bernet > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
05/31/2014 at 06:12

The best advice I could ever offer anyone is to throw a house party, if you can't then have a friend do it. Guaranteed way to get to the ladies.

Brian Silvestro > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 07:17

I think in some way, Miata is responsible for all of these women coming to you. So....

Kinja'd!!!

RotaryLover > Brian Silvestro
05/31/2014 at 07:29

Not even!...well maybe for the model lol.

Brian Silvestro > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 07:29

The Miata gods are looking down on you.

RotaryLover > Brian Silvestro
05/31/2014 at 07:37

Of course they are. They are Gods after all....I'm just the messenger lol

Brian Silvestro > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 07:39

lol yes perfect

Drakkon- Most Glorious and Upright Person of Genius > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 08:06

In the 1980s a psychologist described actual full love as a three legged stool. You have to have sexual attraction, logical attraction and emotional attraction. If you only have two of these things, the stool falls over and you don't have a lastly relationship.

Sexual attraction is obvious. Emotional attraction is exactly what it sounds like too. She makes you feel something. You feel better with her than away from her and she feels that way too. Logical attraction is 'are the courses of your lives going the same direction.' I heard someone say,if you asked a computer, should we be together, it would say yes.

You need all three for a lifelong relationship. If you only have two, it will fall apart for some reason.

A lof of buildup for this: each of these girls seems to have your sexual interest (at least at the surface) but something else is missing. The girl in Ontario is missing logical attraction, the computer says 'no.' The model (I wish I had your problems, dude) is missing emotion connection. She's fun, but not much else there. The crush is the sticking point. You seem to have all three. Is that a good thing? Do you plan to be monogamous? If yes, then it's a good thing. Is it a bad thing? Would you like to date the others if you could? then it would get in the way.

Here is the big picture. If you do this right, this works out well, you can date all of them: AND NOT BE A PLAYER! You see, what makes the player is the lying.

'oh baby, you're the one for me, don't worry about those other girls. I'm not into them any more.'

Here is the alternative:

'Look. I really dig you, it would suck if you weren't in my life, but I need you to know, I see other women. If that's cool with you, then we should hang out more and see where this ends up.'

You'd be surprised how well this goes and how HONEST it is, not greedy and evil. Did I read you are 19? Did I get that right?

Again, the only trouble is the crush. If you think you run through this exercise and she gets freaked and leaves for ever, it will be hard. The others to be honest, between you and me are likely the same boat. You're awesome. They really dig you, but it's just not time to devote every minute to you.

There is a great book about this, I'm not here selling anybody else's stuff. I don't think there is a PM version to kinja, huh? Let me know if you are interested.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 10:06

1-No, if you have nothing to talk about nothing will happen, all relationships are built on conversation.

2-If you don't have that feeling maybe she isn't right for you, don't try to make it something its not.

3-Why not?

Use this as your guide.

BJ > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 10:15

Until you get over your shyness with the crush, you'll never actually know her well enough to know if you want to be with her - she's just going to be a crush. So take some time to get to know her.

Stay friends with the model, you're not obliged to become her boyfriend.

Go to the party with the third girl, and just have fun. You're not committing yourself to anything by going to a party with friends.

Come back in two weeks and let us know how it's going!

RotaryLover > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic
05/31/2014 at 11:08

I just wish could tell everything to the crush...there's something each time we see each other...

RotaryLover > BJ
05/31/2014 at 11:21

I've known the crush since I'm 19 yrs old. I'm 26 now. I'm friends with her brother. We went to multiple events together...until the day she told me " You'll never get a girl if you don't dance with her." at her birthday since I didn't dance at all back then. She felt so mature that day and I felt powerless and pissed because I didn't dance, that it messed me up pretty bad and I stopped seeing her. We seen each other from time to time since that incident...and all the time we felt just like touching ourselves...natural. Like we strongly desire each other. I keep trying to show off that I can dance with her when she shows up now though.

RotaryLover > Drakkon- Most Glorious and Upright Person of Genius
05/31/2014 at 11:23

RotaryLover > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic
05/31/2014 at 11:33

About the crush...I've known her since I'm 19 yrs old. I'm 26 now. I'm friends with her brother. We went to multiple events together...until the day she told me " You'll never get a girl if you don't dance with her." at her birthday since I didn't dance at all back then. She felt so mature that day and I felt powerless and pissed because I didn't dance, that it messed me up pretty bad and I stopped seeing her. We seen each other from time to time since that incident...and all the time we felt just like touching ourselves...natural. Like we strongly desire each other. I keep trying to show off that I can dance with her when she shows up now though

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 12:31

Sooooooo she makes you masturbate? If so that is some weird and powerful want, maybe go for her.

RotaryLover > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic
05/31/2014 at 12:46

LOL! Well...it's partly true. The model doesn't give me that feel lo

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 13:02

Well go for the crush.

Manuél Ferrari > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 13:07

Haha thanks for liking the joke and not dismissing it and reporting me to the Kinja lords.

RotaryLover > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic
05/31/2014 at 13:08

I'll send her a message about it..

RotaryLover > Manuél Ferrari
05/31/2014 at 13:11

Reporting to kinja overlords. You dun goofed. :P

Manuél Ferrari > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 13:17

Haha.

I have thought of something really silly before - imagine if you were dating two girls at the same time and managed to get them both pregnant around the same time.

That would make life very difficult, lol

RotaryLover > Manuél Ferrari
05/31/2014 at 13:23

Lucky me, I don't like to have sex with a girl that I just met or that isn't fully appealing. I lost a best girl "friend" over this...

Manuél Ferrari > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 13:28

I need to follow this rule. I get smitten with hot girls even if they're not funny.

Btw I was in love with two girls at the same time once. Long story. It was terrible. Definitely better to avoid that situation.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 13:32

Good man.

RotaryLover > Manuél Ferrari
05/31/2014 at 13:33

Well I'm probably gonna stay friends with the model. I will say what I have to say to my crush to get everything off my chest.

Manuél Ferrari > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 13:36

Good luck!!!

RotaryLover > Manuél Ferrari
05/31/2014 at 14:48

Thanks!

Manuél Ferrari > RotaryLover
05/31/2014 at 15:01

no prob!

Let's us know how it goes!

Vicente Esteve > Manuél Ferrari
05/31/2014 at 17:05

Alright, this is a hard one.

The way I see it, the model may seem to be like the obvious choice. She seems to be attractive, you make a kind of connection with her. But in the end, if you were desperately in love, what you would feel for your crush as you saw her was "Man, I ended up with someone better than you, I feel good with myself" etc. But no, the model seems to be a great friend of yours, and not much else seems to go on. I don't say that you just leave her behind, you can still meet and have fun.

Your crush brought up all of those feelings, and that is normal. Anyone who's been in the same situation, seems to go through the same emotions. You still seem to have more for her than what you have for the 3rd girl you met, or the one in Ontario. I would try and see if the same things that made you break up in the first place are there. If those things will still come up and have the same effect. If they don't, and if both of you learned a lesson about each other, then keep the crush. Keep her for all this love that you seem to have for her, and she as well. Girls may act flirty without feeling anything, but if she also acted kind of nervously and attracted, then she DOES have feelings for you. And there, is where you make your move.

Third girls and 4th girl may not matter much for now, but could be important to you later, so don't just ignore their existence.

Sorry for the long post, I love situations like this, and almost always give my very humble (But Latinly romantic) opinion.

Manuél Ferrari > Vicente Esteve
05/31/2014 at 17:08

Good stuff! But I think you meant it for the OP

Vicente Esteve > Manuél Ferrari
05/31/2014 at 17:09

Whats the OP? (#ignorance)

Manuél Ferrari > Vicente Esteve
05/31/2014 at 18:12

I think it stands for original poster. The person who made the post.

Vicente Esteve > RotaryLover
06/01/2014 at 09:24

Alright, this is a hard one.

Third girls and 4th girl may not matter much for now, but could be important to you later, so don't just ignore their existence.

Sorry for the long post, I love situations like this, and almost always give my very humble (But Latinly romantic) opinion.

RotaryLover > Vicente Esteve
06/01/2014 at 20:51

I wanna invite the crush for a talk...but I don't know how to ask her...

Vicente Esteve > RotaryLover
06/01/2014 at 21:47

Perfect, ive got loads of ideas

1. You can put a random object with a note attached to it in her porch. This could be a bouqet of flowers, a ballon, a pack of gum, beef jerky, whatever, as long as it isnt a stuffed animal.

2. You can fake you are having a storke with her, and as you are in your terminal state of fake dying you say: "I, I need someone to take to *insert activity" Then you just laugh and go on.

3. You can fake an emergency phone call that you are in the *insert place of talk* and something horrible has happened (A robery, a kidnapp, a murder, whatever) she will come, and you will say: "Yeah, I kind of was faking it. Oh, what a coincidence, wanna se a movie"

4. Buy one of the stuffed animals that repeat what you say, or the ipad app of the animal that says a recording. Record:"I can't talk, but would you like to go *Insert place"

5. Go to her, and start with a compliment. "You actually look fantastic today". Then: "I feel that we should have a talk. I need to hear your voice again" Or something similar. Then you take it to a whole other level and make her happy.

Just suggestions man, any more help, Im happy to oblige :)

RotaryLover > Vicente Esteve
06/01/2014 at 21:55

Wait wait...I haven't talked to her in a good while. I don't even know where she lives anymore. I wanted to invite her to the Karaoke event this wednesday...

Vicente Esteve > RotaryLover
06/01/2014 at 23:36

Oh, then just text her.

Supreme Kiwi Zorro > RotaryLover
06/03/2014 at 16:55

Kinja'd!!!

All of these options are terrible. Helmut, are you aware of the fact that "dating" doesn't mean you're officially in a relationship with someone? Dating means you can see multiple boys and/or girls at the same time until you find someone desirable. If one of the girls don't like the idea of you seeing other boys and/or girls, avoid that girl because it's a sign of clinginess. Just be honest, if a girl asks you if you're seeing someone, say "yes".

My expert dating advice: go ahead and date the first three girls and see what happens.

Another expert dating advice: please try to keep your penis inside your pants.

RotaryLover > Supreme Kiwi Zorro
06/03/2014 at 17:22

I kinda hate to see a lot of people at the same time...I like to focus on one person. But thanks for the tips. The model was really the only one I was looking for until the crush showed up...

Supreme Kiwi Zorro > RotaryLover
06/03/2014 at 17:46

The supermodel is extremely busy and the two other girls aren't as busy. What will happen if you focus on the supermodel and she changes her mind about you or dating in general due to schedule conflicts? You will be left with nothing because you narrowed down your options to only one. Dating two non-busy girls isn't much. Trust me, you don't want to do that. You will thank me eventually.

RotaryLover > Supreme Kiwi Zorro
06/03/2014 at 18:14

Tips taken!